BANNED FROM WAL-MART

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will. After my husband retired, I insisted that he accompany me on trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, I am like most women and love to browse. Yesterday I received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart:

Dear Mrs. Godfrey-Hill,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Hill are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

June 15: Took 24 boxes of exlax and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals
July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'
August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
October 9: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
October 14: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least...on October 16: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

Yours Truly,
Fort Mill/ Tega Cay Walmart

P.S...this is COMPLETELY FICTICIOUS!!!!